White Christmas

H's pick for movie night tonight after cleaning up her whole bedroom all by herself: White Christmas. Man, I love this kid. On December 27, 2016 at 05:53PM

H's pic for movie night tonight after cleaning up her whole bedroom all by herself: White Christmas. Man, I love this kid.

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The way she talks

H: We didn't get to go on the playground because it was wet.
M: How did that make you feel?
H: Mad. Madder than a monster that's trying to eat a person, but it can't.

Wisdom from the back seat

"People on tv can't really hear you." Wisdom from the back seat. On December 12, 2016 at 05:25PM

If you smelled it...

H: (Farts loudly) If you smelled it, you did it. (Looks around expectantly) #sogladshelearnstheimportantstuffatdaycare #thatswhatmyteachersaid On November 22, 2016 at 07:55PM

H wants to be a boy

You mean you could make a peanut and put it on my vagina?

We're doing something right

Evidence:

1. Babysitter tried to read H an extra book as a reward, she says she's only allowed two books. Babysitter says it's a special treat because she was such a big helper. H says, "only my mommy and daddy can make that decision."

2. Leaving for the playground, as we get in the car, H says, "wait! I don't have my hat!" And knows exactly where she left it inside the house.

3. At the playground, when H is done playing with her stuffed animals, she goes over to set them by the family book bag, unprompted.

So obsessed with being pretty these days

Do you like my outfit? I'm prettier than all the other days of me!

Drawing: Mail person

This is the most recent version of a drawing H has been working on for days. It started as "A mail woman is bringing a mail to a little girl while the rest of her family is asleep. She is the only one awake. There are hearts all around because it's a nice thing to do." At some point the mail carrier turned into a mailman, and snow started to fall. 

Drawing: Snow bear keepers

"The keeper of the snow bears is cleaning out all the trash they threw on the floor. He's putting it in the giantest trashcan ever."

Heart melting

H: I love you, mommy. I feel like I wanna be with you forever.

Old

Upon hearing about someone's 55th birthday in a book on tape, H exclaimed, "55!?! I never heard of someone being so old!!"

What happens to your knee scabs

"Maybe a mouse pulled it off and it didn't even hurt and then he put it down the drain! A baby mouse that you can't even see, he's so small."

Our math genius

H: (pauses singing 5 Little Monkeys while jumping on the couch) Hey! 1 and 1 and 3 more is 5!

M: Yep.

H: So 2 and 3 is 5.

M: Exactly.

H: Also, 4 and 1 more is 5.

M: Yep.

H: So many ways to make 5.

Decomposing numbers at age 4. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes she scares me.

Drawing: This is a tooth with a face under a rainbow

She's writing "Hope meeting" on our family calendar. #toogrownupforherowngood #theresplentyoftimeformeetingslater #yourbrotherismortified

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Girl after my own heart. #colorfamilies #artistatwork #everythinginitsplace

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How come?

H: How come Baby Grey doesn't have a daddy?
M: Because her mommies love each other instead of a man.
H: But they love Elliot!

Weight gain, explained by H

How you get bigger is you eat a lot of food and your food pushes you bigger. You don't break, you just get bigger!

Smart girl

In the car on the way home from school:

H: I wanna be a sea turtle. Who eats sea turtles?

M: I don't know, sharks?

H: Nevermind, I wanna be a human.

Later, watching Finding Nemo:

H: Mommy, who eats starfishes?

M: Nobody, I think.

H: I wanna be a starfish.

"It's so drivey around here."

As cars zoom past us on the road.

Said no kid, ever.

Except ours.

H: I've had 3 screen times today, that's enough.

Think a DVD will give you peace and quiet on your road trip?

Think again.

H: Is it the beginning?

M: Yes.

H: Is it the beginning?

M: Yes.

H: Is this the beginning of the movie?

M: Yes, this is the beginning.

H: Tell me when it's not the beginning anymore.

M: H, mommy and daddy can't see the movie, only you can.

H: Ok. Is this still the beginning?

M: ...

H: He burped.

Check out that gnarly tat. Also the bandaid from one of four shots she survived without crying on Friday. #toughgirl

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4 year check up

DR: Does she know some colors?
M: She's known all the colors for multiple years.
DR: Has she started to recognize some letters?
M: She knows all the letters, big and small, and the sounds they make.
DR: Can she draw a face with eyes on it?
M: She can write her name on her own and copy any word you write.
DR: Well ok then.

I love you more

H: I love you, mommy.

M: I love you more.

H: I love you 100-amount.

M: I love you 1000-amount.

H: What comes after 1000?

Silly mommy

H: look at those butterflies!

M: I'm pretty sure those are birds, or maybe bats.

H: pfft. Mommy, bats aren't real! They're monsters that eat people. [rolls eyes]

That time H taught herself to count to 100

And then chose that as her station at school. Just sitting by herself and counting to 100. Reportedly her friends just watched, shaking heir heads.

On the playground, H opened a food stand

M: "Do you have ketchup for my French fries?"
H: "We absolutely do not."

On vacation H opened a toy store in our bedroom

She had a nice display of used toys. She only charged GamGam and Dibby a few quarters for a ball or a stuffed alligator. Then she'd come out and say, "It's time to be done with that" and take it back and add it to her inventory. I think she scammed them out of at least $1.50 worth of quarters.

She asks the important questions

M: It's E's birthday today!
H: Wait, is it a school day?
M: Yes.
H: Then when will we eat cake?!?

A girl can dream

"When I'm asleep I'm going to imagine that I'm awake having juice."

Hope-ism

I don't really hope so.

First time of many?

"I want you to buy me a hundred of clothes."

Things she wonders

Will this book blow away? [because the pages are made of paper...]

If my teachers die, will it still be a school day?

If daddy dies and I still didn't die, can we get a cat?

Tonight's song

Every night H asks for a song that pertains to topics of her choosing. We have limited her to 4 topics because the songs get really difficult to compose on the spot with any more.

Tonight my topics were:

1. All the colors of the rainbow
2. How we get our energy
3. Yellow
4. Small animals

Go ahead, you try.

Words of wisdom

H: Did you know that toys that are the same kind like to play together?

And from here spring all the problems of the world.

Moons

A full moon is this shape and has something inside it. 

A crust moon is that shape and has nothing inside it. And it has a boy fishing in it.

Pets

M: If you had a puppy, what would you name it?

H: Elliot Dog.

Understanding her world

"Swamps are waters that witches fall into, right, mommy?"

"She is for girls and boys are him."

"Monsters can't open doors, right?"

Parenting, a play in three acts

Act one

M: Before you put on your swimsuit, let's go to the potty, just in case.

H: I don't have to! I don't like you. You're so mean!

Act two

Two minutes later, in the swimming pool...

H: I have to go potty.

Commencing drying and foot wiping for child to enter house

Act three

Two minutes later, child returns to swimming pool...

H: Nothing came out. Why are you laughing, Mommy?

Just can't win

M: You're having so much fun with Baby Brother's toys maybe we'll just get you baby toys for your birthday.

H: Really? That would be so great! I love baby toys!

The monkeys are running the zoo

M: H, did you know animals are coming to your school on Friday? 

H: Is there a person too?

Ninis

Pretty much since H has been able to talk and wanted to delay bedtime she has asked for 4 hugs, 4 kisses, and 4 high-fives. Pretty early on she realized that that was four of only three things and so she invented a fourth thing to have four of: "ni-nis." These pretty much consist of the adult looking in her eyes and saying "nini one nini two nini three nini four."

 Last night during her bedtime routine she says to me, "I just invented those right?"

Yes, H. You are the only little kid in the world who gets ninis before bed.

On strangers at the restaurant

"The people love my Elliot."

Bedtime song requests

In her ongoing efforts to delay bedtime, H has started requesting songs with very specific topics. Last night she wanted a song about the following:

Home

Lacrosse

Consequences

Crying

Tonight she added in 

Food

I can't wait to see what comes up tomorrow.

More wisdom from the backseat

H: my teacher said they make milk from billy goats! They just shake off their fur.

M: Um, no, H. I don't think that's right.

H: I mean, they cut off their fur.

Afternoons in the car

M: We're going to hang out with your cousins this weekend. Remember Liam, Sawyer, and Wyatt.

H: What's a Wyatt?

M: Wyatt is your cousin! He's Sawyers brother.

H: I love my cousins. They're my buddies! Only boys can be buddies, my teacher said.

Mornings in the car with H

When you eat your boogers they go in your mouth and come back out your nose. 

Is a crab meaner than a hamster?

Did you know that kangaroos can knock you down? Not baby ones because they're so little and cute. That's a pet that doesn't eat any food.

H on Civil Rights

H on Civil Rights
H: What is jury duty?
M: Well... [insert lengthy explanation tailored specifically to the understanding of a precocious 3 year old here]... So that's why we have jury duty.
H: [Shaking head] No. Only bad people go to jail. [After a thoughtful pause] Remember that lady who got put in jail by the two policemen?
M: You mean Rosa Parks? She wasn't bad, was she?
H: Yes she was! She didn't follow the rules.
M: Right, but the rules were bad. Just like you talked about at school. Sometimes it's ok to not follow the rules if they're not fair.
H: But she was still bad. She didn't wear her seatbelt! On May 09, 2016 at 06:59PM

Apricots

Adventures in parenting: Just pulled a dried apricot the size of two pieces of candy corn out of H's nose with a pair of tweezers after unsuccessfully trying to blow it out CPR-style. #andthatswhywedonteatlyingdown On April 25, 2016 at 08:30PM

Are bananas healthy or junk food?

H: Are bananas healthy or junk food?
M: What do you think?
H: Healthy... unless you choke.

Can you pretend to eat me?

Just don't do it for real because I don't want to be gone.

As we pass a frowning teenager at her bus stop

I saw a person who doesn't like mornings!

That's a rectangle

Passing by some planters of various shapes outside daycare: M: Look, H! Are those the flowers you were trying to show me yesterday? H: Yes. M: Isn't it cool how one is a circle and the other is a square? H: Um, no, mom. That's a rectangle. [rolls eyes] #shewastotallyright #lengthexceededthewidth #proudmathmama On April 18, 2016 at 07:35AM

Another first of many

H to M: Can I have your money?

I'm continually impressed with the many uses that preschool teachers come up with for the lowly paper plate. This week, it's a hat. #thankgoodnessforteachers #stylinathome #stillinpjsatlunchtime

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First of many...

H: Why?
M: Because that's the rule.
H: Why?
M: Because Mommy and Daddy made it the rule.
H: Why?
M: Because we're the parents and it's our job to keep you safe.
H: I want new parents.

Sometimes having two kids feels like being pulled east by a freight train while an eighteen wheeler insists that you head west. And sometimes it feels like a big warm bowl of kittens. #nuggetunited

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Just a normal morning with H

H: mommy! I had a bad dream!

M: do you want to tell me about it?

H: people were licking me.

She had a tantrum screaming: I want to sleep with my shoes!

H: what song is coming up next?

M: I'm not sure, I don't know the future. 

H: what's the future?

M: things that are going to happen.

H: does the future have pizza?

Heart-wrench

H: "Ms Loray said her mommy isn't here anymore. She went away. Why do mommies go away?"
M: "Everybody goes away at some time. But your mommy isn't going anywhere for a very, very, very long time."
H: <Sniff>
M: "You're going to be very, very, very old by the time mommy goes away, don't worry."
H: "When you go away, can I go away with you?"

Jail

"Is a not really nice place"

Where "none of your friends can go"

And "you have to stay a long time"

And when you get out, "all of your toys are gone"

She's basically got it.

H on Thanksgiving

M: "Didn't you have fun playing with Liam?"

H: "I was the only one there with ducks."

Hi Ho the Derry O

H has been tucked in bed for over an hour now. I just walked past her room and heard her little voice crooning, "hi ho the derry-o." #whyareallkidssongsaboutfarmanimals #justgotosleep #itsgonnabearoughmorning On February 21, 2016 at 08:47PM

Delicious

Tonight H requested a PP and J sandwich for dinner. #yummy #pottyhumornevergetsold #doesshereallyhavetogrowup On February 20, 2016 at 06:26PM

That new museum

H: I want to take the train to the museum!

D: Well, we can't take the train to the Please Touch Museum, but we could take it to a museum, just a different one.

H: I want to go to the A Museum!

I'm really sad for the tiny dude in the upper left hand corner. He seems really bummed out. #artfromschool #frownyface

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Can you pretend to eat me?

Just don't do it for real because I don't want to be gone.

This weekend, hard at work on her Valentines for school with a few sock monkeys for moral support. #theygrowupsofast #tinywriter

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That time H asked me to come into the kitchen so she could talk to me

H: [Calling from the kitchen] Mommy, can you come in here please?
M: [Calling back from the family room] What do you need, H?
H: No, I want to talk to you in the kitchen.
M: Ok, here I come.
H: [Holding up a post it note she had drawn a few lines on with an accusatory face] Mommy, I gave you this drawing to put on the fridge. But I just found it in the trash can. Was that an accident?
M: Uh... yeah, it was an accident... Sorry about that...

Questions I've been asked recently

How do penguins laugh?
Do bears eat snow?

Is chocolate good or junk food?

Where is your peanut?
How come, when you're outside you can see the sky but when you're inside all you can see is the ceiling?

H doesn't often draw something that looks so much like what she claims. Here, a bird.

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Thankful girl

"Thank you, sun, for lighting up the world so I can see my painting!"

"Our car goes up, thank you, mommy for shoveling!"

I wish I had a photo of the us in the pool, but I had my hands full with both kids--E's first time swimming. He was skeptical at first but soon was splashing up a storm with his big sis! Then H got mad at me because I wouldn't let her put on her boots right before this picture. Win some, lose some. #peacefulmama #nuggetunited

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Car talk

H: What singer is this?

M: Adele

H: What singer is the other one?

M: Refina Spektor

H: Reginaspektor! [laughs] What's her second name?

M: Spektor. Her first name is Regina. Just like your first name is Hope and your last name is Barker.

H: Oh.

M: What's baby brothers first name?

H: Bay.

....

Later:

M: What's my second name?

H: Mommy.

H is getting really good at writing her name

Overheard during bathtime play

"I don't know how to talk Spanish, so I just have one black eye."

"I'll call someone's mom because they're not being a good listener."

"Don't forget to eat this hot chocolate before you go swimming!"

"That's me farting."

"I'm just naked because I'm taking a bath here."

An often overlooked benefit of having little ones is the almost daily reminder to live in the moment and not take life too seriously. Running errands with H this morning was filled with unexpected moments of joy and wonder: her amazement at the mannequins in Target ("They don't have any faces, mommy! Look at those! That one's running, mommy!"), the wild shrieks and laughter caused by puddle jumping, an impromptu dance party outside the Corner Bakery on City Line (with lots of bemused smiles from patrons and passers by), and the mix of terror/excitement over using a book drop at the library for the first time. Even an ordinary bagel is fun in her eyes: "it's a sailboat, see the window for the people to look out?" I need to channel her perspective more often.

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In case you couldn't hear her from your far-flung location

H wants a cheese sandwich.

Melting mommy's heart

Every night that I tuck H in, I say, "Remember, to fall asleep you do three things: close your eyes, breathe deep and think of your favorite things." Lots of times she tells me what she's going to think about: candy or pancakes or swimming or books. Tonight when I asked, she said, "You." #thesearethetimesthatmeltmomshearts #sweetdreamssunshine #illtrytorememberthisafterquestion723tomorrow On January 07, 2016 at 07:32PM

Where does she hear this stuff?

"It's a fine upper class hat."

Uh oh...

M: Hope, did you see where I put my phone?
H: Maybe you put it in the stove.

Important Question

Inquiring minds want to know:

"After next Christmas is there another one?"

Just stylin' at the playground.

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