Sunday, June 15, 2014

Collection of FB status updates regarding Hope/Motherhood from the past 2 years

Ok, stick with me here. In the last episode of season 3 of Yo Gabba Gabba, the characters reach the end of a treasure hunt to find a bubble-blowing robot who says, "I have many magical powers but the greatest is everlasting bubbles!" Tommy and I have a running joke to come up with what those other powers could be. I mean, what could still be considered a magical power but is LESS powerful than everlasting bubbles?!? It's a truly mind-boggling question. I'd love to hear your thoughts, FB friends. I'll post some of ours in the comments. (And yes, after 5 years of marriage and 2 years of parenthood, this is what our conversations have come to.)

Some days (well, most days, recently) Hope surprises the heck out of me. This morning it was by correctly identifying the "M" on her building blocks. I could not for the life of me figure out what she was trying to say, "Em! Em! Em!" (Duh, mom.) Then she went on to correctly point out E, L, and T. I had no idea she knew any letters at all. #hiddentalents #whatsnext#amazedmama

From Hope's room at 7:24am: "Hopey's mommy, come here!" 
Glad she was so specific, there are so many of us moms just milling around out here.
Joanna Stone She didn't want to get up, she just wanted to read me her version of "Runaway Bunny" which consists of her pointing out the Mommy Bunny and the Baby Bunny on each page. Then she says, "Read again?", answers herself with "yes" and starts all over. I sat through 8 readings this morning before I excused myself to use the facilities.

2 years ago today, we got a new roommate. She keeps the strangest hours, she borrows all of our stuff without asking, she's a messy eater, her music and TV preferences are 'juvenile' to say the least, and she contributes absolutely nothing to the rent. Nevertheless, we both agree she's the best thing that's ever happened to us. Hope, you're more gentle, caring, determined, creative, and funny than we ever could have imagined. Happy birthday, little monster.

Not pointing any fingers, but I just walked in to the living room to find one member of our family with poop on both their hands. (And Tommy is out with a friend.) Nothing can put you on the fast track to bathtime like reaching in to your own dirty diaper. #canyousaydirty#cantwaittostartpottytraining 

Awesome weekend for Hope--pool time with classmate Olivia (including the first-ever trip down the Nemo slide for Hope!) followed by cookie-snack, playground with mom's group (not pictured), fun with neighbor Grey and the 'cah', grilling out with mommy and daddy and painting in the tub! 

Things you apparently have to learn for yourself: Giving your hangry toddler the cornbread from your meal to 'tide her over' in the car on the way home is not as smart as it sounds. #mostcrumblyfoodever#ourcarseatcouldfeedmillions

Me:"Do you want help or you got it?"
Hope: "Got it."
 


Tried to stop by daycare with Hope to drop off our payment for the next 2 weeks. As soon as we opened the main door, she started exclaiming "YAY! YAY!" Then we popped in her classroom to say hi, and she took one look around, unzipped her coat, dropped it on the floor and ran over to play. Apparently 2 days off was enough for her. So much for Fridays with Hope! #icantellwhenimnotwanted #toddlerfreeerrands #theygrowupsofast

Hope exclaims, upon seeing Cookie Monster on her diaper, "blue Elmo!" Lol.

I could hear the little clicks of Hope sticking and unsticking her duplos in the crib this morning. She hasn't let go of them yet this morning. When she's into something, she's REALLY in to it.

We have done all the things. ALL THE THINGS.#snowdaysareverydifferentasamom

Best night in weeks!! No crying at all, Hope waited for my alarm this morning to stir. #notazombieatwork

We watched The Magic Schoolbus for the first time this morning, and when Ms. Frizzle appeared for the first time, Hope pointed and exclaimed "Mama!"

Sang "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" so long on the way to daycare this morning that I ran out of animals--I started with the old standbys: horse, sheep, cow, goat, chicken, goose, duck, cat, dog, moved into more exotic creatures: lions, pigeons, owls, crows, snakes, lobsters, added in a few that a farmer would be surprised to find: babies, dinosaurs, and then just had to go back and start it all over again. What I will do to keep a toddler from crying. #joysofmotherhood

Another day off school is too much for Hope. She took matters into her own hands this morning and set up our coffee table as if it was the one at daycare. (Her teacher always has it spread out each morning with at least three books and a few baby dolls.)

Don't have photo evidence, but Dwight Stone will verify that Hope is wearing her jersey in preparation for the game tonight. (Had to wake her back up to put it over her jammies, clearly we have our priorities right as parents.) 

I wasn't sure if decorating the tree would be fun or impossible with Hope... She's very proud of her knowledge about the purpose of "balls", which she demonstrated by throwing the first 2 ornaments on the floor. Thankfully, they bounced. Once the Mardi Gras beads came out, however, she was totally oblivious to our activity. 

Hopesgiving! Little monster slept though the whole meal!

New mom learnings #376: your daughter may be mobbed by toddlers if you send her to daycare in squeaking shoes.

Just took my daughter's measurements. Her head circumference matches her belly circumference. Not sure if that's odd or not, but it struck me as surprising.

The priceless moment of peace between the time you shut the back door of the car and before you open the driver's door when you've just put a screaming child in the carseat. #itsthelittlethings #motherhoodrocks

My baby girl just pointed to her binky, picked up her lovey Elsie, and walked herself to her room for an afternoon nap. Does it get any better than this?

You know you're a mom when: you don't even think twice about reaching in for the piece of poop barehanded to prevent it from breaking up into tiny pieces in the tub. #joysofparenthood #amazingmyselfdaily

What is the possible evolutionary advantage of a toddler having so much energy between midnight and 5 AM?

Hope update: she's feeling MUCH better today and catching up on much-needed sleep. The Magic Mouthwash prescription from the pediatrician made all the difference--if you're battling Hand, Foot, and Mouth, definitely ask about it. The sores are still healing and she'll probably need another day at home, but she was smiling when I came home from work. What a relief! Thanks, everyone, for the kind words and good thoughts.

Worst night since last Christmas with the first teeth. She literally screamed every 15-30 minutes, intense pain or frustration or both. We cried together as fatigue set in. Hoping the sun brings some relief for my little monster.

Thanks to all who expressed concern for Hope, we made it through with no seizures, but she was diagnosed with Hand, Foot and Mouth today. On top of that she's cutting her canines. So, needless to say she's just miserable, and we'd all appreciate your thoughts this week.

Those long naps are making more sense now--little monster has a fever tonight.  Hoping to make it through this one without a seizure and that whatever is causing it goes away quickly.

Long naps are awesome, but also a bit freaky. We're currently at 2 hr 45 min and I have to resist the urge to check on her for fear of disturbing clearly-needed slumber.

Wish I could do something to help my baby sleep. She's waking every 45 min or so, oftentimes crying loudly, and I've treated every possible culprit I can think of. All I can imagine is big stuff going on in her growing brain. Poor tired Hope.

From Hope's Daily Report today: "Hope had a great day exploring outdoors and showing me what she had found. She was also especially happy at music time singing 'Look Who Came to School Today.' Her little eyes just light up and bless all of us." Couldn't have said it better myself. [Also, in other news, she's moving up to the "Young Toddler" classroom with 3 of her best friends on Monday. So big!] 

Once again, I find myself telling my daughter that 5am is too early to wake up, to no avail. Trying to enjoy the little moments, even if they occur while I'm squinting with fatigue.

Took the afternoon off to be with my baby girl--we enjoyed the air conditioning at Target, and now she's napping while I watch the West Wing. Life is good today.

Waking up to my chubby-legged, bright-eyed toddler cooing, then sitting with her for some real Facetime on the porch with ocean sounds in the background makes for a promising start to the last day of vacation.

Hope was quiet for too long this morning, so I snuck in to see what she was doing. Reading! Of course! My little bookworm. 

We have a molar. No walking yet, but plenty of teeth! 

Hope had a febrile seizure this evening. Scariest time of our lives by about a million degrees, but all is well now. Grateful for helpful neighbors, efficient EMTs, great nurses at Chop, modern medicine, and empathetic grandparents. But mostly grateful our little one is safe. 

Positive development: this morning, as soon as I set Hope down at daycare, she turned around and waved "goodbye." #notears

By the time I realized the baby gate heading upstairs wasn't in place this morning, Hope had made it almost to the first landing. Watch out, world, this girl is goin' places!

I thought we were done with separation anxiety, but Hope just threw herself at my feet and wailed as I got ready to leave. #thisstagecanendatanytime

Can't adequately describe the simple pleasure of going into the nursery after hearing the first few Hope sounds of the morning to find my daughter laughing and smiling and stretching and ready to conquer the day. When do we lose that fierce optimism that today has so much goodness in store for us? (Don't answer that question, I've got some pretty good ideas about what squishes our Hope. Just try to recapture some of yours today.)

For the first time in almost 2 weeks, Hope didn't cry when I dropped her off at daycare. Yay for growing out of phases! 11 months yesterday.

So lucky to have Fridays to spend with Hope. Morning nap, puzzles, swimming and now afternoon naps. Doesn't get much better than this.

Near perfect day: Got to sleep in, took Hope to the pool for a swim with some new friends, then simultaneous afternoon naps, and soon to enjoy happy hour with some old friends in the comfort of our own home.

You know at the start of a Law and Order episode when the maid comes in the room, starts cleaning up, and then says, "Mister John?", walks a bit farther into the room and says, in a higher pitched voice, "Mister John?" and you think, "Dude, you're about to find a dead body." But she hasn't realized it yet. It's kind of the same when you touch your baby and some part of her clothing is wet--maybe on her calf or over her shoulder--so you touch her somewhere else, and it's REALLY WET. And the person watching your life is thinking, "Dude, you're about to find some feces."

How do you get a stubborn sick baby to take her afternoon nap? How about a stroller ride around the zoo? #motherhood win

Waking up to your nine-month daughter saying buh-bye while waving her hand: Priceless. Waking up 20 other times during the night because of 9- month sleep regression: Not so priceless.

9 months old today and first trip to the pool. She's a natural!

Warning: Babies who wake me up 45 minutes before my alarm and refuse to go back to sleep are in danger of being returned.

Thinking about attaching a bell to Hope so I know where she is at all times. Yes, like a cat or a cow.

In the dream my daughter just woke me from, there was a stack of extra large paper that was shaped like and molded to the form of Channing tatum's torso in a filing cabinet at my job, for writing on. just let that sink in, all you who are considering parenthood. #neverenoughsleep

After making the sign for milk every time I feed Hope for the last four months, I was nevertheless completely perplexed this morning as she stared me in the eyes and kept opening and closing her hand. "Duh, mom, I'm thirsty!"

We have tooth!

Our little monster appears to have her appetite back, so she must be on the mend. #gratefulmommy

Sleeping would be a lot easier for my little monster if she could consistently breathe through her nose. #longnightahead #breatherightstripsforinfants

When you get home from a long day at work after picking up your baby from daycare and she falls asleep in your lap. Everything else can wait. #mommybliss

Yeah, my daughter made that. And yeah, it's on my fridge. (She also had to be removed from the class during nap time today because she wouldn't stop talking to the boy in the next crib.) —

Apparently, Hope had a great first day at daycare.

Not only did Hope work her way out of the swaddle last night, she got her arm completely out of her shirt. Nothing can restrain this little monster!! Girl power!

Truly does not mind waking up to feed the little one. When she won't go back to sleep for over two hours, that's when I get a bit frustrated. #whoneedssleep

At 4.5 months, Hope's 13.4 lbs and 2 feet long. For those who are into such things.

Guess Hope was tired. 14 straight hours asleep.

All of a sudden, it's like someone told Hope that other babies get to eat every 3 hours, even at night! I'm a zombie this week. So much admiration for parents that deal with multiple night feedings from birth. And thank goodness for pumpkin coffee.

So tonight after a feeding, Hope spit up directly between my boobs, right down the front of my nursing bra. As her parents chuckled at her accuracy, she laughed for the first time ever. Man, was she proud of herself. A family laughing party quickly ensued. 

You know that feeling when you wake up from your nap and you're so covered in poop you have to take your second bath of the day? Hope does.

Hope's new thing is flipping from her front to her back when you lay her down. Only problem is--she hates Tummy Time, so she ends up crying.

I thought waking up yesterday was bad. Last night baby girl woke up at 3 and 4:30 and literally just went back down before that stupid alarm. Good thing she's so cute.

I think one of the triggers of postpartum depression must be postpartum clothes shopping.

"What did you doing Friday night?" "Oh nothing, I just went to the grocery store without my baby. It was awesome." #motherhoodrocks

It's the simple things. Like being able to cut my own toenails again.

My to-do lists are now divided into 1- and 2-handed tasks. #motherhoodrocks

The 1am pumping session: when your kid sleeps through the night but your boobs don't. #motherhoodrocks

Despite the sounds she made a few minutes ago, Hope did not in fact die a painful death at the hands of the nurse who gave her a few vaccine shots.

Has to go into work three days this week for training, and Hope gave me a 9.5 hour stretch of sleep last night. #lovethislittleone

That moment when you realize your baby's spitting up because you feel it on your foot. #motherhoodrocks

Just hopes that someday I get to enjoy a hot coffee and a warm meal again. #motherhoodrocks

Guess who slept from 8:30 to 5? She woke up just in time for mama to enjoy this rainstorm! Love you, little lady.

For those who were concerned about our little one: Blood work ruled out scary, serious things. Symptoms have improved this morning. Doctor says to continue with dairy elimination for another few weeks to see if we have complete improvement. If not, we'll move on to other potential culprits. Turns out that 6 week old tummies are hard to figure out. Patient is sleeping soundly.

Okay how annoying is this: simultaneously with me giving up dairy so that she no longer cries due to gas pains, my beautiful daughter decides that it is completely unacceptable to be tired at all. Sleeping is okay and being awake is okay but being tired is grounds for fire siren cries.

Day 3 week 1 couch to 5k. Success. Day 4 of no dairy. Success? Might be too early to tell, but we seem to have eliminated the painful farting completely. Of course, babies can always find something to cry about, but we've made it much harder for Hope.

Date two of couch to 5K and day one of no dairy. Here's to baby Hope having less gas!

Hopes that someday our daughter can fart without grimacing or crying. she'll never be able to silently sneak one at this rate!

Seriously feels like she deserves a medal after grocery shopping with a one-month-old strapped to her chest. And Hope slept the whole time. How in the world do people manage when their babies don't sleep 20 hours a day?!?

Disclaimer: if anyone's tired of seeing photos and videos of my baby, first of all I can't understand how that could be possible, and second of all you might as well hide me now because I'm home all summer with nothing to do but capture her on film.

Good thing I didn't have anything planned today. Because my daughter doesn't want to do anything but eat.

Side angle pose feels great this morning! Seven hours 45 minutes of sleep last night then she let me do yoga and didn't cry until the lady on the video said "namaste." #Perfect baby

Six hours, baby. Six hours. My daughter is a rockstar.

Why do I have to be awake for breast-feeding? Don't baby bears just take care of that while their mother hibernates?

What a great birthday present from my daughter: she only woke up 4 times last night to feed! Thanks, Hope.

Famous people born on June 1st: Marilyn Monroe, Andy Griffith and now Hope Elizabeth Barker. 7 lbs 10 ounces. Mom and baby are healthy and resting at the hospital. Better pics to come.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Be a Helper

Reflecting on the terrifying and sad events in Boston this week, I sat down to write a letter to my 10 and a half month old daughter, Hope, in a journal I keep for when she is older. An excerpt is below:

The Boston Marathon bombing (and subsequent car chase, shoot out and lock down of the whole city) has rattled everyone. As a runner and a mom, it hit me particularly hard. I don't understand how someone could do that, and I want very much to be able to protect you from all of the danger and sadness and ugliness in the world. It feels relatively easy with you so young, but I know it will get harder as you grow. You're engaging more and more with the world, and I want you to feel confident, free and able to explore. Even though bad things happen, there is still so much in this world that is beautiful, amazing, and good. A quote from Mr. Rogers has been floating around the internet--basically, his mom told him that in every tragedy, there are always good people, people who are helping, and she told him to always look for the helpers--I'm going to tell you to do that when you're old enough to see the news and be scared by it. But more than that, I want to raise you to be one of those helpers. I want you to be motivated by suffering and inequality and injustice, and I want you to know that you can make a difference. You don't have to stand idly by--you can raise your voice, you can pitch in, you can make things better by serving others. You are so lucky and blessed--to have a strong family who supports you, to have food and clothing and a warm house and doctors and swimming pools and books and parks and so many things. Never take them for granted. Never get so caught up in them that you can't see and feel for others who have less. Hope, I want you to make your way in this world, to be whoever you want to be and do what you want to do, but I also dearly want you to have a heart for this world and the people in it and to always be looking for how you can be a helper.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Working Mom/Childcare Transitions

So I'm almost 5 months into this gig (working mom)...

For the record: I stayed home with Hope for 12 weeks, and then went back to work 4 days a week. At that point we hired a nanny through the agency Your Other Hands to be at the house with her. When she reached 6 months, we enrolled her at the Salvation Army Kroc Center daycare, where she is currently attending.

Although many mothers report having a very difficult time returning to work, by 12 weeks I was ready to get out of the house. I was tired of talking about myself in the third person all day ("Mommy's going to make lunch. Mommy's putting away the laundry. Mommy's going to go crazy if she doesn't talk to another adult sometime soon."), and I had accomplished all of the things on my "to do" list that accumulated while I was too big/pregnant/unmotivated to do anything. I was itching to feel competent again after caring for a newborn. Although I've had a lot of baby experience in my life, there's something about those early days that makes you doubt yourself and every instinct you've ever had. I was literally looking something up on Google at least 3x per day.

I got a trial run at returning to work when I went in for 2.5 days of training over the summer. My mom came to stay with Hope, and it was a really easy transition. Unlike my normal working day, we had a clear cut schedule, and I was able to plan pumping times in advance. Those were actually the highlights of my day, as I got to pump with two second-time moms who had tons of advice and sympathy to share. When I left home those days, Hope was so young that she didn't even seem to notice, and when I rushed home to greet her, she gave me a look that said, "Oh yeah, you. Hey, did you know this nice lady has the same milk you give me? And she's better at changing my diaper too."

Despite my eagerness to return, I did have conflicting feelings. That new friend Mommy-Guilt laid it on thick: "She should be with her mother, not some stranger." "You'll never get this time back." "You'll miss all her important milestones." "You think your job is more important than your baby?" And the crusher (because it contains so much truth): "That nanny's so expensive, you might as well just stay home." The trepidation was not eased when, the day before I returned to work, Hope bawled her eyes out when I left the house to go for a run. She wasn't just crying, she was screaming, red-faced, with big tears running down her face. Apparently she cried the whole time I was gone, and didn't stop until I came back and swept her into my arms. I took her to our room to nurse, and as she calmed down, I picked up where she left off. Lying there sweaty and crying, I watched my tears dissolve in the fabric of her swaddle and wondered if I was really going to be ok after all.

Our first nanny was wonderful, and I felt totally comfortable leaving Hope with her. The first morning went off without a hitch, and I immersed myself in work during the day, only thinking about Hope a handful of times. Coming home at the end of the day, however, I found a sobbing nanny rocking our little monster on the couch. Turns out she was offered a full-time, permanent position, and I was going to have to interview nannies all over again. All of those doubts immediately surfaced, and I started wondering if working was really such a good idea after all. Thankfully, I found someone fairly quickly, and within a few days, Tommy began to worry that Hope preferred the new nanny to us.

I can't begin to explain how wonderful Mercy was with our daughter. One of the best things about her, however, was that she saw a different side of Hope. Whereas we were still treating her like a newborn, Mercy pushed her to play with toys, gave her tummy time, read books to her, tried to teach her to clap. How stagnant we had become! Within one week, Hope could fall asleep without the swaddle, arms and legs askance. She started rolling herself from her back to her front and picking her head up off the ground a few centimeters during tummy time.

Mercy's last day was hard for all of us, although Hope still sees her from time to time when Tommy and I have date night. The transition to day care was definitely the most difficult for me. Now I wasn't just leaving my baby with a stranger, but taking her to a completely new place and leaving her with 3 adult strangers and 3 little ones! We went to visit the week before, and spending time in the room with her teachers and the other kids really helped to calm my nerves. I was still a bit of an emotional wreck the next week, however, when the time came to leave her there. I took a photo with my phone, and found myself looking at it throughout the day to convince myself that she was doing fine. For the record, I did shed some tears in the car that morning.

That first morning was over a month ago now, and it's gotten easier and easier every day to leave Hope at daycare. In fact, I often look forward to seeing her teachers and the other kids. Just like with Mercy, I find that the caregivers there see a different side of Hope. They push her to do new things (art at 6 months?) and help her to interact with other kids her age. In the past few weeks, she's grown at such a rapid pace. She's sitting up independently, eating so many different foods, crawling, babbling, signing, and now even starting to pull herself up on the bars of her crib.  She used to jump at every little noise, and now she seems more able to hold her own in a variety of situations.

It's so exciting watching her develop into her own person. And it's ok with me that she does a lot of that developing with a new group of friends. I know that she's in good hands, and I really appreciate that I still get to be my own person too. Going to a job four days a week that I find challenging and fulfilling makes me a better, happier, more well-adjusted person, and I believe that ultimately, that makes me a better mother for Hope.