Who should turn off the light?

[After bedtime story tonight]

M: Do you want to turn off the light, or should mommy do it?
H: There's another option!
M: Yeah?
H: We could do it together.

[Mom's heart melts]

H to J

(While holding out a plastic container from the recycling bin): "See, smell how cold it is."

[There's no real explanation here. She just said the container was "too cold" for her to carry downstairs, then asked me to smell to verify that it was cold.]

H to T

"You're stressing me out."

When a search for the other star produces no fruit

"Maybe I'll just have to live with one."

How many...

M: How many is 1 and 1?
H: 2!
M: How many is 2 and 2?
H: 4!
M: How many is 3 and 3?
[Pause]
H: A lot!

All of a sudden I have 3 kids?!?

Talking to grandparents on the phone

To GamGam and Dibby

H: Do you have cheese and broccoli?

To Grammy and Pappy Jack

H: (aside to us) Grammy's not there. (To phone) Is Grammy lost?